Rachel's Rant...the day I wanted to rip the radio out of my car
Despite my best efforts to fill my life with positive energy and optimism, I am on a RANT!
It's been a long day for me--awake at 5am, ran to Walmart to buy treats for my kid's teacher for Teacher Appreciation week, fasted most the day for blood work for my annual physical, taught a full day, etc. I'm driving home, decompressing, and I am innocently surfing the radio because I am super-picky and won't bother listening to songs I don't like. Anyhow, I flip to AM and troll the stations. I tune in to a local talk radio show with a host who tends to be pretty pompous in his worldview while feigning humility--drives me nuts--but something catches my ear so I listen. The host and caller were agreeing that society's problems would be solved if women would withhold "affection" to get men to do the right thing.
Whoa! Enter: feminist and rational human thinking. Are you serious? Really? That line of thinking is so flawed. First of all, women are not responsible for men's decisions and withholding "affection" to control men just plays into every negative stereotype of women and places all societal problems under a woman's control. Easy cop-out for men and it's asinine to place sole responsibility on one gender. Second, way to dummy-down men to be only hormone-driven animals rather than humans capable of rational thought with decision-making ability. Third, who's to say a woman wants to withhold "affection" anyway--shocker, could she really be punishing herself as well? Gasp, might she enjoy "affection"? And fourth, guess what? Some men could care less about affection from a woman anyway. Boo-yah!
Grrrrr!! I felt like I was listening to something from the dark ages. I about lost it when the host started talking about his wife's "a-ha" moment when she concluded that his decisions were right-on-the-money and when she would insert her opinion or supersede his decision, bad consequences would follow. Of course, the radio host played it off like they were all equal but I was ready to pop a gasket. This type of thinking infuriates me. It got worse when another caller (a man, of course) chimed in, stating that he hated the words submissive or passive in reference to women. Yay--but then he goes off about a women staying in the home and when the kids are all out of the house at age 18, if she wants to work, then go for it. I don't remember his exact words, but it was something a whole lot like: "I mean, heck, go ahead and work; buy me a new truck! I spent years buying you cars, it's time to return the favor." I turned off the radio mid cackle and seethed, feeling steam pour off of my body.
Now, I come at "feminism" on a different path than most in my demographic. I think it's all about choice. If you want to be at home and focus on being a mother, go for it. If you want to focus on career, go for it. If you want to do both the best you can, go for it. Your life, your family, your choice. I chose to be with my kids until my youngest started school. Now I am a full-time, ambitious teacher and a mom and a wife and I LOVE it. I feel the depth of my dual roles has made me a more diversified, more compassionate, more self-aware, more service-oriented, and, ultimately, a happier and more fulfilled individual. More importantly, both my roles are my choice. Now, I am not a feminist who is on-board with women holding the priesthood (LDS) but neither am a I feminist who thinks that women have ultimately arrived. I just like the idea that we, as women, have a world full of opportunity.
That being said, it really bothered me to hear the archaic racket on the radio. I guess it was how these men kept stating that they believe in equality, but out of the other side of their mouth would make sure stupid comments and assertions. The wife's "a-ha" moment bugged me the most--maybe I just have a different kind of marriage or maybe I'm just stubborn but in my life, Justin and I both approach decisions and sometimes my way is better and sometimes his is better but there is no way in this life or the next that either Justin or I would roll over and let the other one call all of the shots. I guess I'm just open to "bad consequences" of my decisions!
Ah, I feel better just writing it all and cleansing my system. So, to end on a positive note, here is what I'm grateful full after hearing the radio dribble:
It's been a long day for me--awake at 5am, ran to Walmart to buy treats for my kid's teacher for Teacher Appreciation week, fasted most the day for blood work for my annual physical, taught a full day, etc. I'm driving home, decompressing, and I am innocently surfing the radio because I am super-picky and won't bother listening to songs I don't like. Anyhow, I flip to AM and troll the stations. I tune in to a local talk radio show with a host who tends to be pretty pompous in his worldview while feigning humility--drives me nuts--but something catches my ear so I listen. The host and caller were agreeing that society's problems would be solved if women would withhold "affection" to get men to do the right thing.
Whoa! Enter: feminist and rational human thinking. Are you serious? Really? That line of thinking is so flawed. First of all, women are not responsible for men's decisions and withholding "affection" to control men just plays into every negative stereotype of women and places all societal problems under a woman's control. Easy cop-out for men and it's asinine to place sole responsibility on one gender. Second, way to dummy-down men to be only hormone-driven animals rather than humans capable of rational thought with decision-making ability. Third, who's to say a woman wants to withhold "affection" anyway--shocker, could she really be punishing herself as well? Gasp, might she enjoy "affection"? And fourth, guess what? Some men could care less about affection from a woman anyway. Boo-yah!
Grrrrr!! I felt like I was listening to something from the dark ages. I about lost it when the host started talking about his wife's "a-ha" moment when she concluded that his decisions were right-on-the-money and when she would insert her opinion or supersede his decision, bad consequences would follow. Of course, the radio host played it off like they were all equal but I was ready to pop a gasket. This type of thinking infuriates me. It got worse when another caller (a man, of course) chimed in, stating that he hated the words submissive or passive in reference to women. Yay--but then he goes off about a women staying in the home and when the kids are all out of the house at age 18, if she wants to work, then go for it. I don't remember his exact words, but it was something a whole lot like: "I mean, heck, go ahead and work; buy me a new truck! I spent years buying you cars, it's time to return the favor." I turned off the radio mid cackle and seethed, feeling steam pour off of my body.
Now, I come at "feminism" on a different path than most in my demographic. I think it's all about choice. If you want to be at home and focus on being a mother, go for it. If you want to focus on career, go for it. If you want to do both the best you can, go for it. Your life, your family, your choice. I chose to be with my kids until my youngest started school. Now I am a full-time, ambitious teacher and a mom and a wife and I LOVE it. I feel the depth of my dual roles has made me a more diversified, more compassionate, more self-aware, more service-oriented, and, ultimately, a happier and more fulfilled individual. More importantly, both my roles are my choice. Now, I am not a feminist who is on-board with women holding the priesthood (LDS) but neither am a I feminist who thinks that women have ultimately arrived. I just like the idea that we, as women, have a world full of opportunity.
That being said, it really bothered me to hear the archaic racket on the radio. I guess it was how these men kept stating that they believe in equality, but out of the other side of their mouth would make sure stupid comments and assertions. The wife's "a-ha" moment bugged me the most--maybe I just have a different kind of marriage or maybe I'm just stubborn but in my life, Justin and I both approach decisions and sometimes my way is better and sometimes his is better but there is no way in this life or the next that either Justin or I would roll over and let the other one call all of the shots. I guess I'm just open to "bad consequences" of my decisions!
Ah, I feel better just writing it all and cleansing my system. So, to end on a positive note, here is what I'm grateful full after hearing the radio dribble:
- I'm glad it's 2013
- I'm glad it's 2013
- Hats off to an equal-minded marriage
- So grateful at the sense of fulfillment and self-worth that being both a teacher and a mother has infused me with
- Grateful for good, fair-minded, intelligent men in my life
- Happy that I had to pick up my kids and didn't engage in verbal sparring with radio crazies because there is no sense wasting my intelligently-crafted (sometimes witty) words on people who won't listen or appreciate them.
- So thankful that we live in area with a wide variety of radio choices--go 94.1FM!
- I'm glad it's 2013: it's a great time to be a woman!
I totally agree with you. A few years ago I heard about some women doing this in another country, to try to change things politically. I don't remember which country, but I just thought, "This would never work in my house, and I don't imagine it could work to get men in power to change their political views."
ReplyDelete:) I forgot to mention that but they brought it up on the show (Belgium, I believe) as evidence of it's effectiveness as well as bringing up an ancient Greek satire. Ridiculous!
ReplyDelete